Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
