No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
