what day is it and did you see me today?
honey bunches of taint.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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