I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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