I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
