just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
