is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
