just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize