My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, beer. Big fan.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
