and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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