it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
