Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
