Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
