after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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