It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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