I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
