if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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