Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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