Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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