hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
