with your own penis?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.