I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.