im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.