atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My dad just said "fuck circus"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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