Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
