guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
