They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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