I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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