Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
