you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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