ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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