I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
