ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I cockslap morals
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
