Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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