I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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