Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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