I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
