I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
