So drunk its hurt
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
