my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
