Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
