i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think brook has ever known best
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
