I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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