hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
