I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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