i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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