god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
