I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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