Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
