I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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