dude i'm inner monologue high
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
