I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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