Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
