wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
