Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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