dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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