Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
