Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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