i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
