Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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