This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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