How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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