my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
