she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
