Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
