I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
