I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
