It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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