I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
