You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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