break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
