wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
